2016 was not my year.
Aside from the fact that I graduated from college (finally), got published a few times, and got a new job I thought I would have for a while, the year shifted with an unrecognizable swiftness.
All those great things couldn’t out-weigh the fact that something inside of my core was unsettled, incomplete so to speak. I would wake up every day in a routine that I heard my conscience telling me was not meant for me. I tried so hard to hold things captive both mentally and physically just to have some sort of stability, but no — I fell straight into a recurring writer’s block, that job I hoped would work out, didn’t, and on top of that, my health was not in the best position. I had completely lost my way, and all those things in my future I knew I was destined to attain, seemed more distant now than ever.
It was December 31st 2016, 2 days after losing my job and I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was also dealing with his own crisis, when I had an epiphany. Not just a regular epiphany that is meant to wake you up out of the moment you are not meant to live in, but an epiphany that reached into my body grabbed my soul, and took it on a retrospective magic carpet ride.
This epiphany, though personal, I am willing to share with you that it scared me. It reminded me how of all those times in the past when I made promises to myself, and how I didn’t keep them. It reminded me of how I had been taking care of others and neglecting myself on all levels, and that was unacceptable. But the biggest thing it did was remind me of all the plans I had made for myself at the age of 15 when I was filled with optimism and the type of joy people now-a-days would pay for.
I knew that I owed it to myself to see that I live the life I have always wanted.
“I’m done!” I exclaimed aloud to myself, forgetting that I was still in the car and alarming my boyfriend who asked me to explain.
I’ll tell you what I told him, and if you are in the middle of a transitional time in your life, or you are 25 and for some reason you think you need to have it all figured out or rush through life just to keep up with the Joneses, I want you to take this with you, the words: I’m done!
This is my time, year, day and I am taking my life back. I will only be 25 once, and I will not let me get me by being my own worst enemy (thanks Pink). I challenge all women and men who are at war with themselves mentally to remember things when they were more simple and pure and remind yourself of who you are really doing this for. “This” being your life, and if you are not at the top of that list, re-write it repeatedly until you realize on your own that it is essential that you make sure you are taken care of before anything and anyone else is.
After all, self-love is the greatest love worth investing in.