As a single woman, I’ve suffered silently from the assumptions of men and women about my single status and my future. Guess what — I’m tired of it.
The assumptions people have about single women are appalling and ridiculous and sometimes they’re offensive and hurtful. Let me explain.
Something must be wrong with you because “you’re too pretty to be single.”
First, nothing is wrong with me because I’m single. Please, stop assuming this. I’m single for one reason: I have not met a man who I want to be in a relationship with. It’s that simple. Just because a woman is single at any age does not make her crazy, have some weird habit, have a jealous temper, is mean, or is a cheater. We are single because that’s just where we are in life.
Now on to the statement: “you’re too pretty to be single.” Men, women, stop saying this to single women! Essentially what you are saying is that a woman’s beauty is directly connected with her being in a relationship, and as we all know, there’s no connection. Or you’re saying that pretty women shouldn’t be single because a woman’s beauty shouldn’t be wasted on singlehood. If this isn’t what you mean, well, that’s what it sounds like to us. I’ve never met a woman who enjoys hearing this. It’s not a compliment. It’s illogical. So, let’s trash it, okay?
Assume that I want to be in a relationship.
I’ve been single for four years and during those four years, I’ve had people assume that I wanted to be in a relationship or that I was looking for a boyfriend. Guess what? Until very recently, the thought of being in a relationship didn’t even appeal to me.
For these last four years, I’ve been in a relationship with myself and it’s been amazing! It didn’t take long to learn that I needed to be happy with myself, alone, if I ever wanted to be happy in a relationship one day. So that’s what I did — and that’s what many single women do. We’ve learned that our self-worth and happiness is not and will never be contingent upon being in a relationship.
Don’t assume that you know what I want for my future.
I love how people assume that they know what I will want for my future. It’s hilarious. (Or not)
Let’s start with a good one: Just because I have the ability to have children, does not mean that I want to have children. Don’t assume that all single women will want to have babies one day—ask them. At the moment, I am not sure if I want one kid, zero kids, or if I want to adopt. Today, I’m leaning toward a one-child-adoption-route, but tomorrow, I could change my mind and want no kids.
I’ve had women and men argue with me that I’ll change my mind. Please stop assuming that as a woman I’ll want to have babies or that all women get “baby fever.”
Then there’s the people who assume I’ll want to “settle down.” (Those two words make me grind my teeth)
Once I went on a date with a guy and we got on the subject of traveling. I love to travel and move, and I told him that I wanted to move every three to five years for the rest of my life.
He responded, “But when you get married, you want to settle down, right?”
“No,” I replied.
“But how are you going to move when you have kids?”
“Um, just pick up and move,” I said.
“But you’ll have kids and a husband.”
“And?” I replied.
The rest of his statements on the topic insinuated that this was implausible. I also distinctly remember him saying something along the lines that the “right guy” could change my mind.
I had a similar argument with co-workers when I shared this lifestyle wish of mine. It was unfathomable to them that I could possibly do this with a husband and children. They proceeded to tell me over and over again that I would change my mind.
Don’t assume that any woman — single or not — has to have a “traditional” life of getting married, having kids, and settling down in one place to raise said family. I don’t want that. I want a husband that enjoys moving and traveling as much as I do. I want my children to experience the world. But maybe tomorrow, I won’t want that? Maybe, I’ll be a single-mother-by-choice or never want to get married or just be married with no kids.
Just because my beliefs or future expectations differ from yours or what you did or what you chose for your life, does not make my future lifestyle wishes wrong or unfeasible.
Yes, I’m a single woman. I do not know how it feels to have a husband or kids. However, that still doesn’t give you the right to assume that my life experiences should be or will be the same as everyone else’s. Because, surprise, I’m one-of-a-kind.
Assume that a single woman can’t be too picky if she ever wants to be in a relationship.
See that’s where you are wrong—I can be picky. People assume that as a single woman, I’m too picky when I date and therefore that’s why I’m single. Maybe I should have lowered my standards to your assumptions… then I could have dated that one bossy guy I met, or that guy who’s down with the thug life, or the multiple unambitious men I’ve met. Let’s not forget those few guys who didn’t have a job or had shit for credit. Or better yet, that guy with a criminal record, or those hundreds of men who don’t use ANY punctuation in their text messages or don’t know the difference between “their” and “there.”
You’re totally right. If I wasn’t so picky, I could definitely be in a relationship with any of the aforementioned and wouldn’t that be grand?
So what if a single woman’s picky? Why do you care about my relationship status? Why can’t I be picky? Why can’t I want a guy who has a decent job, ambitious, is honest and kind and funny, has something in common with me, or is intelligent enough to have a conversation that involves something besides just sports? (Politics, books, religion, social issues, maybe?)
When you say single women shouldn’t be so picky, we hear you saying that we need to be in a relationship and that we should give up our standards to be in one. Sorry, it’s not happening. Firstly, because there are millions of women who kept their standards high and are now in a relationship or married. Secondly, because that would just be stupid.
That I’m sad, unhappy, depressed, or lonely because I’m a single woman.
Surprise, my happiness does not depend on being in a relationship. Crazy, right? I’m really happy, rarely sad or depressed, and I am not lonely just because I’m “alone.” I couldn’t be lonely if I tried. I have so many friends and family and I’m always out doing stuff that I think it would be virtually impossible for me to feel lonely.
I’m exploring the world as a single woman and I’m having the time of my life. So for my sake and for the sake of other single women, trash those single woman assumptions because you’re bringing down our vibe.