Today in the grocery store, a man stopped me for a second to ask me for my number. I declined with a smile and said, “Aw, I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thanks though!”
Since becoming an adult and living in the real world alone, I’ve been approached on numerous occasions by men either asking me for my number or trying to get to know me. Sometimes, I’m receptive and sometimes I’m just not feeling them. And for those moments where I’m just not attracted to the guy or not interested in giving out my number that day, I turn the guy down – honestly.
There’s some women that do not turn down men honestly, and perhaps, you’re that girl. Rather than just say, “I’m not interested,” maybe, you’ve caught yourself saying, “I have a boyfriend,” or “I’m gay.”
We’ve been conditioned as women to fear men’s reactions, especially those we’ve turned down. And granted, I understand why. The statistics on violence against women are horrifying.
But, despite the stats or the bad stories that I’ve heard, I never lie about why I’m turning a guy down. For one, it feels so awkward. I’ve had friends who give fake numbers and names without a second thought. If I tried that, I’d probably stumble over my words and then feel so guilty the next few days that it would ruin my mood.
For two, it’s just not right – for us or for men. Let me explain.
I have never once had a guy get angry because I told him I wasn’t interested in him. Rather, I’ve been thanked on many occasions for being honest. A few have even shaken my hand and said how they wish other women would do the same!
What I’ve found in my experiences, is that men appreciate when we are honest with them – and why wouldn’t they? Everyone likes honesty! Especially if you’re being nice about it (which I always am).
Sometimes after turning a guy down politely, I’ll have a great, intellectual conversation with him! Other times, I’ve become Snapchat friends with them or made networking connections. If being honest with men has taught me anything, it’s that it can be an absolutely positive experience.
Still, there may be some ladies who might argue, “But what if a guy does gets mad at me?”
I won’t lie. It’s a possibility. Has it ever happened to me? No, but it’s still a possibility. And yet, I wouldn’t suggest that you not be honest just because of a “possibility.” Because when you do that you’re doing a disservice to yourself. Be brave and don’t hide in fear of any type of “possibility” whether it be in this situation or any other.
Secondly, if a guy does get mad and you fear for your safety, walk away. Call the cops. Take a self-defense class to defend yourself. You are not helpless in these situations – you’re a smart and capable woman who can take care of yourself (I know you are!).
Furthermore, by being honest with men, we are working to create a system by which men and women can positively interact. If we continue to lie to men with ridiculous excuses like, “I have a boyfriend,” what will they expect of us? What is that teaching them? Probably not anything good.
So remember, it’s okay to say, “No, I’m not interested,” when turning a guy down. Don’t be afraid of being honest, because you might be very surprised by the positive interactions you have from doing so.