Well, okay. Fine. You can do whatever you want. You can get married when you’re 18, 21, or 55. It’s totally up to you. I just wanted to add my voice to the many, and put it out there that I think it’s wrong to encourage young people to get married before 30.
This is for those of you that have been taught that your life begins with marriage.
This is for those of you that feel like your worthiness is defined by a relationship.
This is for those of you that had nosy families, who would tease and mock your dating attempts, rubbing it in that you’re still single, or whatever.
You see, my dream since I was 12, was to be married by age 20, and have 3 kids by age 25. I thought that once I was married and had children, then I would feel content and happy with my life.
I spent the majority of my teenage years living in the suburbs. And what I have learned from having left the suburbs, is that suburbia means well, but it’s a fucking judgmental place. People feel entitled to give their opinions on your relationship status, when it’s totally not their place. And there’s this unspoken pressure, to partner up, and “start your life” by getting married.
[Insert megaphone voice] IT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT.
Life starts when you begin making decisions for yourself as an individual. When you accept that failure is part of learning and growing. Ultimately, life starts when you pick up the map and plot out your own journey.
So this stuff about marriage? Yeah… those messages about marriage are always going to be around. The truth is that humans are biologically engineered to need love, connection, and belonging. And when our needs for love and belonging are not met, we fall apart, break, get sick, self medicate, rush into relationships – we do whatever we can to fill the void. And I get it, it’s normal to want to be close to someone.
The key to marriage, dear friends, is to know yourself inside and out before you begin that journey.
Sure, some people get married first, and get to know themselves second. But it’s a much smoother process if you get to know yourself first. I mean, life is all about changing and growing. Each new season brings new lessons and new choices. And when you’re 20, you don’t have as much life experience to tell you who you really are.
And, yes, ok – age 30 is just a random age I picked. But I picked it because I don’t think you really know who you are until you’re close to 30. I, for example, had no idea that my sex drive would reach a new totally-delicious level when I got close to 30. That I would start getting tingly boner-like feelings every time I thought about sex. I mean, it’s weird, but that’s me.
And now, I’m SO GLAD that I waited to get married. Cause if I had married my boyfriend of 4 years when I was 20, I very likely would have been stuck in a marriage with someone who I had grown apart from. OR, I would have forced myself to fit into a lifestyle that wasn’t right for me.
Do yourself a favor. Ignore the busy-bodies that feel entitled to give their opinions on your love life. Put the idea of getting married first aside, and spend as much time as you can getting to know yourself.
Try things. Take classes. Go skinny dipping. Lick ice cream off of someone’s chest. It doesn’t matter how you find yourself. Just get out there and start looking. Tell yourself what you like and what you don’t like. Have adventures. Get hurt. Grow.
It’s all important, and it’s all totally worth it. And maybe one day, when your hair is messier than you would like, and your t-shirt has a coffee stain on the boob, you’ll run into someone who makes you nervous and excited at the same time. And maybe then you’ll think about marriage. But before you get there, it’s SO important to know yourself first.
AND let’s be real – if all else fails, you can just marry yourself.