Foxgirls: Women’s Unrealistic Dating Expectations

I wrote a story about foxboys a bit ago. A “foxboy” is my euphemism for a “f*ckboy,” the latest dating nomenclature that means you’re dating a man who’s ultimately wasting your time. My male friends responded and said okay, “Sure, this exists. But what about women? They waste our time, too.” So I did some research with my male friends to find out what the modern day “foxgirl” is about.

Before I start off, there is an assumption in describing a foxgirl that you yourself are not a foxboy. You’re a man who has your life together, with a big heart and a good head on your shoulders. With so many women bemoaning “there are no good men left,” your stock should be high and your options limitless. You haven’t settled down because you’ve been busy working on yourself and fulfilling your dreams, but now you are ready to enter the adult dating market. But first you’ve got some hurdles to tackle. Let’s talk about them.

Level 1 of hurdles is clearing women’s emotional baggage. If she’s had relationships and is in her late 20s+, then she’s been burned. She’s been lied to, has lied, has loved and lost, and has had her heart broken. So she’s weary. The stereotypes she holds are rampant, and it’s up to you to prove to her that you’re not “just like every other guy.” Hard level to clear, but you proceed.

Enter level 2. Level 2 are the expectations women have of what you as man “should” provide, and immediately. What you must bring to the table: status, stature, confidence, looks, and personality. Lay it all on the table, immediately, but without being pompous or arrogant— nobody likes that. Foxgirls expect for you to give them the world unequivocally from the very beginning, but be sure to treat them special and differently than the rest. If you’re confused, then I’ve made my point.

Level 3 is about the physical baggage that may be remnants of past relationships. Look, we’re adults, we’ve all been through life, perhaps with other people, so the hurdle that you may encounter relate to potential stepchildren and financial missteps as a result of immaturity. But it doesn’t matter— you must love her and her physical baggage. Love her children as if they were your own even though you just met little Johnny and Casey last week. Open up your heart (and your wallet and attentions) to this woman, for how dare you not know her worth! And if you can’t handle her at her worst, then you don’t deserve her at her best, buddy…

The media and society certainly help propagate these ideals of how men “should be.” Just like society prescribes unrealistic expectations of women’s outer beauty, it also puts pressure on men to be successful “men.” To be the main breadwinners, have a kind and compassionate demeanor, but also possesses the fortitude and confidence to balance success with love. The ultimate irony in foxgirl’s expectations is that men should treat every woman like she’s unique but also somehow make her feel like she’s the only unique one.

And so it is that the modern day foxgirl is but a woman with unrealistic expectations. One who expects the world be given to her but doesn’t put the same effort to give herself the world and to reciprocate it to those she expects it from. She expects to be treated like a queen because she’s worth it, but doesn’t treat you like the king. She judges you as quickly as she expects for you to shower her with all you have to offer, and writes you off as not good enough if you disappoint.

Ultimately, when you offer what you demand, you have every right to be picky. But when your demands are greater than what you yourself are willing to provide for yourself, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your priorities. And so this is how we’ve come to an existence where “there are no good men” and simultaneously “no good women” left.

Some women demand a lot from the men that they date -- as they well should. This writer looks at how these demands change into unrealistic dating expectations when women themselves are not willing to provide for themselves in the same way that they demand from their partners.

I am a consultant by day, a dreamer by night, a gypsy always. My dreams are filled with arts and crafts, travels and adventures, music and photography, nature and laughter. I chase my fears and express them in words. Welcome to my realm.

Carollaine Garcia

I am a consultant by day, a dreamer by night, a gypsy always. My dreams are filled with arts and crafts, travels and adventures, music and photography, nature and laughter. I chase my fears and express them in words. Welcome to my realm.

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