Since coming out as bisexual couple of years ago, I found myself christened with typical questions and comments that bisexual people face. Below are real conversations that I’ve had and how I responded. You’re welcome.
Your BFF: “You need to be more consistent and know what you want.”
You: “I want a partner who’s [insert adjectives].”
Dating is a game of Russian roulette, and f*%# boys come in all shapes, sizes, genders, colors, and creeds. Even if a women exclusively dates women, she’s still totally capable of wishy-washiness. Personally, I seek a partner who is kind, organized, and smells good. Fortunately for me, none of those qualities are dependent on what a person has between their legs.
Your parents: “What are you going to do when you’re ready to settle down and start a family?”
You: “I will settle down with someone I really love and raise children in as safe and happy a household as possible.”
It takes a village to raise a child, not necessarily a heterosexual couple (this is coming from a woman raised in a single parent home). When I’m posed with the question of my future love life, I kindly point out the fact that nearly half of all marriages in the US end with divorce and the majority of those marriages are heterosexual. And there is a great chance that most of the problematic, messed up people you’ve come across in your life were raised by a traditional heterosexual couple (something to consider). I don’t mean to attack heterosexual love, but I do mean make a point that even traditional families don’t have it all figured out.
(image by London Scout via Unsplash)
The straight boy who you know you shouldn’t be on a date with: “Are you bi because you have bad luck dating guys?”
You: “Maybe. Maybe not.”
This answer is more controversial than it is diplomatic, yes. But most is fair in love and war. We shouldn’t generalize gender, however the world we live in is still very socialized, which means that, well, a good number of the heterosexual guys you meet have been socially programmed to share many of the same vices and virtues. And guess what, you are not obligated to put up with that! (And between you and me, if he is even asking you this question, he’s full of himself and you need to dash in the other direction, sweetheart.)
Hot lesbian Uber driver who totally gets you…then she learns you’re bi: “I don’t have time for bicurious girls.”
You: “Everyone is curious when they first meet a potential partner.”
I remember RuPaul discussing how gender identity is more important to some and less important to others. Is it really that hard to believe that trying out same-sex dating can be no different than trying out interracial dating or trying out cougar dating? And is it really hard to believe, Ms. Uber driver, that a relationship with a bi person may have failed for something as simple as, you cheated or you’re really boring? (Also you pay taxes and set your own doctor’s appointments. You are a woman.)
Your identity should never be something you have to defend or explain to others. It’s your life you’re out here living. That being said, it’s quite easy to fall into long nasty debates when you’re already on the defense. I know my own boundaries with regards to my sexual identity, but I still don’t mind providing a little education for those closest to me. I know that some things are really new to them and they care enough to try and understand. At the very least, the responses about will effectively end some ignorant discussion before they even start.