“My name is Lisa. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and my DOC is Vodka.” That’s how the AA meetings start out. At the beginning Vodka and I had some amazing times. It charmed me, and rode in to demolish my low self-esteem and insecurities like the prince charming I knew that it was. If there was ever someone who tried to force a wedge in between Vodka and I, they were my enemy.
Vodka was my best friend, my comforter, my confidante. When I was with Vodka, it made me feel like not a thing mattered in this world but me. I found out the hard way that Vodka was a liar and a deceiver. It was cunning, baffling, and powerful. Vodka had so much power over me that it completely changed who I was, and what I thought of myself. Below is a list of SOME ways that I allowed Vodka to play me.
- Vodka told me that it was okay to be self-centered. As long as it was me, and Vodka; It was us against the world. Nothing or no one else mattered. You didn’t matter, hell…I barely did.
- Vodka made me think I was above the law. While drinking and driving continuously, for whatever reason, I never thought it would catch up to me. Even when I finally got caught, I still had Vodka on my side. After cursing officers out and causing an “interesting scene” on the way to jail, I still felt that Vodka and I were above it all.
- Vodka made me FEEL that I was confident. I wasn’t shy or afraid to speak my mind when Vodka and I were besties. One smart comment or irate statement thrown my way would cause Vodka and I to go to war. With Vodka, I was headstrong, and “WE” just weren’t tolerating any mess. When speaking my mind got me into trouble, I laughed in trouble’s face. Besides, Vodka had my back.
- Vodka would persuade me to take another drink while nearing a black out. It didn’t matter that I was nearly passed out on a floor, Vodka had my mind. Therefore, my mind, continued to tell me “One last drink won’t hurt.”
- Vodka controlled my finances. Corners would have to be cut, and things would have to be given up in order to ensure that I had Vodka.
- Vodka had me thinking that I couldn’t live without it. Therefore, it poisoned my mind with negative thoughts about me, and how I needed it to shield myself from judgement and constant negativity.
- Vodka alienated me. I was a loud mouthed drunk. After several instances of literally standing outside of myself and watching as I acted like a complete idiot, I began to stay to myself to prevent further humiliation. After all, when all else failed, I still had Vodka.
Vodka had a wicked soul tie on me. It is the worst relationship that I have ever been in. Vodka cleverly leads you to believe that you are a totally different person than who you actually are. It takes you to another level, and then it crushes your heart, zaps your spirit, and leaves you for dead.
I’m glad that I finally had the strength and the courage to leave Vodka. As much of a struggle as it was to put it down, I would never relish the thought of returning to the toxic relationship that was Vodka and I. If you ever run into Vodka on the street, stay vigilant, and be careful. It’s a real gamer.
For those struggling with alcoholism, click here and read how the National Institute for Alcohol and Alcoholism suggests getting help.